Some of my favourite treasures from Ogden Nash

A WORD ON WIND

Cows go around saying Moo,

But the wind goes around saying Woo,

Ghosts say Woooo to you too,

And sometimes they say boo to you too,

But everybody has heard the wind but a few people have heard the ghost,

So it is commonly supposed the wind says wooo the most.

Scientists try to tell you that the wind is caused by atmospheric conditions at the north pole or over distant Canadian ranches,

But I guess scientists don’t ever go to the country because everybody who has ever been to the country knows that the wind is caused by the trees waggling their branches,

On the ocean where there are no trees, they refer to the wind as gales,

And it is probably caused by whales,

And in the Sahara, where there are no trees or whales either,

they call the wind simoom or something,

And it is the result of the profanation of Tutankhamen's tomb or something.

Some people are very refined,

And when they recite poetry or sing songs they pronounce wind, wined,

Well, dear wined, everytime you say woooo,

Why I wish you would say it to the people who say wined,

right afer you have said it somewhere where somebody is making fertilizer or glue.

THE COW

The cow is of the bovine ilk,

one end is moo, the other, milk.